Sunday Newscape Magazine

Minutes of the Seventeenth Meeting of the Board of Directors of CorporateGeeks Incorporated, held on 3rd March 2001 at CorporateGeeks Headquarters in Raleigh, North Carolina: The meeting began late because no one on the Board of Directors wanted to take the minutes.

After much discussion, the CEO dragged in administrative assistant Jennifer Layton and made a motion that Miss Layton be appointed secretary and take the minutes. The motion was passed with only Miss Layton dissenting. However, Miss Layton was reminded that she is not a member of the Board, so she should just shut up and start writing.

The newly-appointed secretary would like it stated here in the minutes that the CEO is wearing a really ugly tie.

The CEO welcomed all present to the meeting.

The secretary hopes they all crash into each other in the parking lot on the way home.

Mr. David Almeck, Director of Finance, was unable to attend the meeting due to other pressing engagements. Hence, the Board voted to grant him leave of absence.

The secretary raised the question of what exactly the Board intended to do if they hadn’t voted to grant Mr. Almeck a leave of absence. Were they going to punish him? Send him to his office without any lunch and make him type “I will not skip out on Board meetings” 3,000 times on his word processor? The CEO told the secretary to be quiet.

The CFO made a presentation. The presentation contained many words like “quality continuum” and “premium implementation standards.” The CFO also mentioned something about this year’s profits being 26% lower than anticipated. The secretary is betting $10 and a bag of Skittles that someone in this meeting is going to get his butt fired over that. She’s also pretty sure that the CFO is having an affair with the Director of Human Resources.

Mr. Nathan Singer, Director of Marketing, couldn’t wait to share his new promotional idea with the group. The secretary made a motion that the Board start limiting Mr. Singer’s sugar intake, or at least make him switch to decaf. The CEO glared at the secretary and made some notes on his legal pad.

Mr. Singer proposed a catchword for the company. Since CorporateGeeks Incorporated is a company people can trust as well as a company that gets results, we will be known as the Company With “Trusults.”

The Director of Human Resources made a motion that the secretary be reprimanded for laughing during a Board meeting. The motion was passed unanimously. The secretary presented a query to the Board, wanting to know if she should note in the minutes that the Board was “angry,” “annoyed,” or “Angroyed.” The CEO appointed the Director of Human Resources to find out when the secretary was due for her next performance evaluation and report those findings to the Board.

The motion to utilize the new catchword “Trusults” was passed with only the CFO dissenting. The CFO wanted an addendum to the motion stating that the word “Trusults” would always be capitalized. The Board argued about this for twenty-seven minutes. Finally, Mr. Singer suggested that “Trusults” be printed in a different font instead of capitalized. The CEO made the motion that the word be italicized as well. The Director of Strategic Development felt the word should also be set off in quotation marks. The COO raised a concern that the new font needed to be compatible with the font currently being used in the company’s marketing materials. The Board voted to appoint a task force to research different fonts and present the results at the next Board meeting.

The secretary finds it beyond human comprehension that these people make $100,000 a year.

The COO made a motion that the next agenda item be postponed until the next meeting. The HR Director made a motion to move to the next topic of discussion. The CEO made a motion to vote on both motions. The Marketing Director made a motion to second the motion to vote on both motions.

The secretary suggested everyone take a break and do the loco-motion. The HR Director made a very sudden motion toward the secretary but was held back in one quick motion by the CFO.

The Board voted unanimously to break for lunch and appoint someone else to take the minutes. The secretary offered to type the minutes she had taken so far and fax them to the shareholders. The Board, pleasantly surprised, accepted the offer.

The meeting adjourned so the Board could go have their usual 17-martini lunch. The secretary hopes the CEO spills his drink on that really ugly tie.

Copyright 2008 by Jennifer Layton