Sunday Newscape Magazine

Why is it that a lot of females, and even some males, tend to keep little momentos of their exes? Even after their current flame chews them out about keeping such things, we still store them away in a hiding spot.

My current boyfriend came across my own binder of “Ex-Files” several times. After several fights over it, you’d think I’d give up and burn the damn thing. Think again.

I keep mine for several reasons. The first is the obvious. I like to reflect on my past, whether it brought happy memories or devastating nightmares. I like to think about all the fun things I did with someone who once meant so much to me, I spent two years of my life with them. I even like to think about the not-so-happy times just to remind myself why I’m not with that person. What seperates people from other living creatures in this world is our brain. And memories are a huge part of that organ. So why not use it?

Humans learn from their past, and a quick history lesson on exes helps you remember what you are looking for in a person and what you want to avoid. For instance, my last ex boyfriend was very emotional and clung to me like rancid sauce on spaghetti. So I had to rinse myself off and start again. Now I know to look for clues of that kind of behavior. If little things set a guy off, I stear clear. I’m the woman. I’m the one who is allowed to be overly emotional and even a little irrational at times. There’s no need for two of us in a relationship.

Likewise, when we reflect on good things about a relationship, we learn to look for those same qualities in someone else. I had a boyfriend who was really outgoing, social and laidback. He was fun to be around. So that’s one thing I need to have in a relationship.

For some people, keeping things exes gave them or let them borrow is a glimmer of hope. Maybe you just broke up and aren’t ready to let go yet. Maybe you haven’t gotten over them after years of seperation. Either way, perhaps people hold on to those tokens because they hope that some day their paths will cross and that spark will still be there. Then you can display those gifts again or return them to their rightful owner and all will be as it should. Whether this ends up the case or not, some people just need that hope.

So I say keep those “Ex-Files”. They might be things from the past, though they mean so much more than that, but as long as they don’t hinder your future, they are ok to store away.

© Kelly Mello 2008 all rights reserved