Sunday Newscape Magazine

Valentine’s Day has come and gone. Another holiday has passed. This year Valentine’s Day looked a little different for me. In the past, I had always celebrated with my ex husband - well, if you can call it celebrating. I realized this year just how much we had taken each other for granted. I think this is something a lot of married people do. “Oh, we don’t celebrate Valentine’s day” is what I heard a lot. I know, Valentine’s Day is a bit cliché.

I’m no expert on romance, or love. I am, after all, the product of a failed marriage. I do think that this divorce is the basis for my experience on love, though. When I do love, I love deeply and for a long time. I commit myself to those I care about. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for the people who are important in my life. It’s because of this that I realize I stopped loving the ex long before he left me. There was no passion, love, or even a lot of caring anymore. We had grown apart - and no matter how hard I tried to hang on, I couldn’t get any of that back. I’m not sad about it though because of the lessons I have gained from it.

I realize that love is a precious gift. Oh, that may sound stupid, but it’s true. When you find someone who is willing to put up with you on a day to day basis, that’s special. Love is not something you feel, it’s something you give, willingly. When someone tells you he loves you, he is telling you that you fill up a part of him that no one else can. You hold a special place in that person’s life. And it takes a lot to find the courage to tell someone you love him. A gal really puts herself out there emotionally when she does that.

Love isn’t really the words you say either. I realize this now. I used to hollowly echo the ex’s refrain of “I love you” all the time. But it didn’t mean anything. Love is in the things we do. The gentle touches, helping out, a soft smile on a bad day, listening instead of talking…these things all show love. I would much rather be shown love, than hear the empty repetition of the words. I realize that now too. My children show their love for me daily - hugs, kisses, pictures - sure they also say they love me, but their laughter and hugs mean so much more than the spoken word.

That doesn’t mean that the spoken words don’t carry value. They do. There is nothing like having someone look you in the eye and tell you he loves you. There is a level of emotion that does come through when someone says, “I love you.” As long as the phrase isn’t over used - there’s a jewel in the rarity in which it is said.

Because true love is such a rare thing, the next time I fall in love, I will realize what I have been given. I will love with my whole being, and not just with the words that I say. The person I care for will feel it to his very core, I’ll make sure of that. I’ll tend to this love and watch it grow, not fade or dissipate. If I’m lucky enough to have someone show me he loves me, I won’t just assume it’s my right. I’ll wrap myself in that love, so that when he looks at me, he’ll see his love reflecting through my very soul. That’s the kind of love I want next.

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