Sunday Newscape Magazine

Recently, I was standing in the checkout line of a local supermarket. There was a woman standing behind me and she had her small son with her. I would guess this child was about four or five years old. This little boy was acting up and he wouldn’t behave. His mother was losing patience with him so she told me that if he didn’t behave the “boogie man” would take him away tonight.

To an adult something that silly can be funny but to a small child who is still afraid of the dark because he believes there is a monster hiding under his bed at night, that is not funny.

This incident reminded me of my own childhood. Way back, a long time ago in the 1950’s and 60’s, I remember my mother telling me all kinds of crazy stuff in order to get me to behave when I was acting up. I knew she was making it all up so it didn’t affect me in any serious way but some of my childhood friends were told some really negative and destructive things by their parents, when they were small, that did do some permanent damage to them mentally. They grew up believing that they would end up being unloved or something bad would happen to them if they ever did anything wrong. They grew up waiting for someone to tell them what to do, to give them permission to take a chance. They would always be afraid to take a chance in order to achieve something grand. If you pour a whole bunch of negative crap into a young child’s mind, if your tell a child a bunch of lies about how life really works, you are programming that child for failure. When the child grows up, he/she is going to end up being a confused and insecure adult.

No parent should ever tell a child that he is worthless or stupid. All children are here because of a great, powerful and loving God. Okay, maybe many of us are here because our parents drank too much wine one night when they were young, single and horny but still, we’re here because God has a plan for each one of us.

I attended Catholic school for twelve years and I remember there was a moment in the day when the nuns would ask everyone to cross their arms on the desk, put their heads down on their arms, close their eyes and think about all the sins they’ve committed. One nun would frequently say that if you say any curse words, one day your tongue would fall out of your mouth and then you wouldn’t be able to ever speak again. I’m glad that I did go to Catholic school for twelve years but some of what they did back then was so out of touch with reality that they are still in the dark ages.

I know that many women give birth to children long before they are mentally and emotionally ready for all the pressures of motherhood. Also, there are some kids who are real brats, they just won’t behave and sometimes a mother has to get heavy handed. Still, if you’re going to put all types of crazy thoughts in your kid’s head, make sure that as your child grows up you explain that all those fearful thoughts you put in his/her head when they were younger was aimed at getting him/her to behave. If you don’t undo all that negative programming, your child will grow up to be an unstable adult with low self-esteem. It is one’s mental programming that directs one’s actions in life.

In trying to get a child to behave or listen to you. I guess it is okay to say something that might scare him/her a little bit. After all, you have to get their attention somehow but you should never tell a child that he/she is worthless, stupid or should have never been born. That type of negative remark causes deep wounds that might never heal. Now, when a child doesn’t behave you can always threaten to throw away all his/her toys or send them off to stay with a relative that he/she doesn’t much care for. I believe that children remember for years all the harsh things you say to them. So, be careful what you say to your child, harsh words can cripple him/her mentally for a long time. Don’t forget when your child behaves well or does something that pleases you reward him/her with praise and love. That will go a long way into helping your child grow up in a well-balanced and mentally stable adult.

If raising one child can easily overwhelm you, then you must remember that every time before you make love, before you start drinking the booze, to use some type of birth control because you don’t want to have four or five kids and end up losing your mind. Back when you were a little brat, do you remember when your mother said that she hopes that one day you will have a child that will cause the same problems for you that you caused for her? So, now you know that so much of life really does run in cycles and God is the ultimate practical joker.

Hey, maybe this is a great theme for a Woody Allen type film where a guy meets an angel sent down from Heaven to undo all those childhood lies that are still in his head, twenty-five years later?

If you know anyone who might benefit from this little bit of insight, cut out this column and send it to him/her or hang it on a wall where it will be seen. As always, I welcome your comments. You may write to me at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it