Sunday Newscape Magazine

Einstein said, “Time is just an illusion.” This past week has flown by with such a blur it seems as if time is standing still. The endless hours spent here in my empty house has brought some wonderful healing in my mind during this lonely period.

A former Marine once told me that the hardest part of basic training was to defeat the monster. In my credulous mind I thought he was pertaining to the enemy, but his answer was the mind. He then described how he was left in the woods to fend for himself and his mind would either help him find a way to survive or eventually kill him by giving up. Those words of wisdom have helped in so many ways as I use this transition period to ponder my next move.

Those who have gone through such a life altering change like divorce know the rollercoaster ride of emotions involved. Problem is the monster likes to come back from time to time and test you to make sure you’re on the right path.

So far everything is going according to plan. Currently I am spending endless hours remodeling my house that eventually will be sold as part of the divorce agreement. The only thing I am taking is my trusty dog, clothes, and computer while the soon-to-be-ex-wife will get everything to help her and our kids start over.

Considering what she has done I could follow the juvenile path and fight for every scrap of material left, but that’s not my forte. I would rather start over with a clean slate and make sure our children have all they need.

My biggest concern throughout this emotional time is what our children see and hear as their mother carelessly focuses on her new life and new special friend. The endless phone conversations and text messages in front of them bring about questions with sugared answers and half truths. What kind of example is she showing our children, moreover, what will they think of her once the truth comes out?

That was the million dollar question I asked her after hearing that my eleven year old was using her phone and read text messages from her new special friend. Her reply to such arrogant behavior was “no big deal and you (my daughter) will meet him once mommy and daddy finish the divorce.”

Even through all of this I still worry about her. My soon-to-be-ex-wife has surrounded herself with friends, family, and a new environment and not facing the monster that will eventually show up with reality of the situation. In my opinion, filling every void to deter her emotions is the biggest mistake anyone could make during this time. Most important, time and Karma will reap its ugly head. It’s a known fact.

Even as she (my soon-to-be-ex-wife) tells me to see other people, I could not even consider it. To me, it is just not the right thing to do. To fill a void in such a way only hurts other people in the process and is not a good example to instill in children should they find out.

Running away from problems and filling them with distractions is going to be my life lesson that my children will master. Even as they spend most of their time with their mother through this process, I know time is on my side.

Most important, she (my-soon-to-be-ex-wife) is still their mother and while it hurts to see such careless behavior I worry that she will crash and burn one day. My intentions are to take the high road and defeat this monster head on knowing the knowledge will help my children and others in the future.

God forbid the monster reaps its ugly head and eats her alive. I know I will be there, not to catch her, but the children. The last thing these little minds need to experience is both parents acting like children.

© Jerry Maldonado “An American Perspective” 2010- all rights reserved